I have a feeling this is going to be long winded. Sorry.
I saw a quote on Pinterest the other day, it said “You can’t start the next chapter of your life if you keep rereading the last one.” Or something like that. I, regrettably, did not Pin it.
You see I need to make a decision. Here’s a little background: I got laid off from my job a few months ago and have had trouble finding a new one. It’s been several months and K goes to school a couple hours a day while I write cover letters, and, apparently, start blogs. I pick her up after nap time and we spend the rest of the day together.But this can’t go on forever; should I keep looking for that elusive design job… or change careers to Stay at Home Mommy?
I look into the future and I know I want to be there to help Kennedy with her homework, take her to ballet and gymnastics, be a part of her girl scout troop, make sure she has a healthy dinner. I want holidays to be nothing short of magical, every room in the house transformed for Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas, even Presidents Day (Why not?) I want family game night and Sunday brunch. I want more kids, not sure how many, but enough so the house is never quite silent.
I also want to embrace my creative side- I love painting (rooms and canvas) drawing, and I just learned to sew. I love restoring old pieces of furniture to totally unique pieces. I sort of like cooking, and I’d like to get better. I am a bit rusty but I used to be pretty handy with a camera. And there is so much more I want to try. I want to do something creative everyday, every waking hour. I would love to have my work shown in a gallery one day…
I definitely couldn’t accomplish that at my old job. Most of the time I didn’t get home till after 6 and she was in bed by 8. Two hours a day was not enough. Is it like that at all jobs? Probably not, but that was the only big girl job I have ever had, so I don’t really know.
I also want an exciting career. I got my degree in Interior Design and I feel so lucky to have discovered a passion for something that gets me so excited I can’t sleep at night. I want to get licensed, maybe pursue a masters, and maybe one day design museums. I want to be featured in my alumni magazine, see my projects in Interior Design. I want to teach aspiring interior designers. I want to create spaces that inspire others. It seems the possibilities down this road are endless.
And then of course there is the financial issues… Le’s just leave it at Poor but Happy vs. Not-so-poor and Probably-still-happy-but-with-a-whole-lot-more-stress.
Since I am still not working and I literally count the minutes till I pick my baby up- (193 minutes left!) I can’t help but feel that I continuing to look for a job is like rereading the last chapter of my life. And who knows what the future is going to bring, where we will all end up? But at the same time I kind like I am quitting- like I let the dang economy win. And I am not a quitter by nature.
I am so happy that I have so much good stuff going on in my life that I have to choose. But why- o- why can’t I just have it all?